Sunday, October 4, 2015

Half Step Back From Paul's

I had mentioned in my post about this years 2015 Paul's Dirty Enduro that something had been bugging me other then the cold that had been developing. Truth is I had been feeling a bit burned out prior to the start during the week. And while I had some idea what some of it was prior to the Saturday start. It was during the race that it came into clearer focus.

When I looked at the results this year compared to 2010's 30k ride was 25 minutes slower. It was on the heavier Mistress...the original. As seen in the pic below but with SPD's instead of flats. Nothing on that years bike was light compared to the Samurai aka Mistress V2.

Which based on logic should have been faster but as I said something was different. And now that I have had time to think about it after the "Aha" moment during this years Paul's. I can now but my finger on it. I wasn't riding to race...I was riding to finish. Finish because I didn't want to let someone down. The person I care about. A situation made worse because I am not one who asks people for money for causes. And while I wear my heart on my sleeve it takes alot of mental energy to put one self out there asking for support for mental health. And I am one who has always had a hard time reaching out asking others. This made even harder living in a small town.

A week before this years Paul's I realized I am mentally burnt out reaching out for 3 years. As I said it takes alot of mental energy for me to ask others for stuff like this. That it is time to take a half step back from approaching Paul's this way. To worried about everything going wrong and letting my loved one down after the rain year. And this is starting to make it feel like a job which is removing the fun.

So will be postponing the fundraising till 2017. Paul's 2016 will simply about truly racing the 30k and not worrying about letting someone down. Don't worry, I have spoken with my loved one and they completely understand how I feel. And appreciate all I have done to date.